Overcoming Perfectionism

We’re told that perfectionism is a good thing. We’re told it’s a trait to brag about when we’re in a job interview to showcase just how hardworking and detail-oriented we are. We’ve been conditioned to believe that being a perfectionist equals success—and that all of our idols have gotten where they are because of their perfectionism.

We’re told that those who succeed all had the perfect writing routine, wrote exactly 1,500 words a day, and never used an adverb. Their perfectionism is what helped them write a publishable draft the “first time.” But that’s not true.

“Perfect” does not exist. Perfection is an impossible, unattainable standard.

The dictionary definition is literally, “the action or process of improving something until it is faultless or as faultless as possible.” To try and reach perfection is to set yourself up for failure because it’s not achievable.

Why? Because art is subjective.

At its root, art is one human’s attempt to connect to another human—and it’s not always going to work. There are going to be people who resonate with and understand what we’re saying, and those who won’t.

Consider your own patterns. There’s authors, musicians, and artists whose work you love, and there are some that you don’t enjoy. Your favorite author has a one star review (and likely a lot more than just one). It is impossible to please everyone in art.

When we find ourselves in a pattern of trying to reach perfection in our art, it’s because we’re scared. We’re scared of being vulnerable and taking agency over our decisions. We’re scared to be wrong, because of all the shame and rejection associated with the concept of being “wrong.”

Artists struggle with perfection so much because we don’t want our art to be subjective. We want it to be objective. We think if we find the right process or the right word choice, we don’t have to take ownership over the fact we made a decision. Because if we make a choice and fail, then it’s our fault.

But because art is subjective, that also means there’s no such thing as right or wrong when it comes to creating. It’s only what you want your art to look like.

When you sit down to write in the morning, there’s no possible way to “do it right.” Because there’s no RIGHT way to create your story. There’s no predetermined path. There’s no “perfect” outcome.

There’s also no possible way to do it WRONG. There is only action and inaction. Progress or stagnancy. You either do something, or you don’t. Whatever you write, whatever you dream up, whatever you plan—it’s ALL progress. It’s all in service of getting to the end.

Remember, there’s only your vision for your book.

This is where revisions come in. This is where our mindset is so important. We’re not trying to reach a standard that our inner critic believes is out there because that’ll just hold us back.

So if our work can’t be “perfect,” then why is perfectionism in writers so pervasive?

Brené Brown defines perfectionism as, “a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of blame, judgment, and shame.”

At its root, perfectionism is trying to keep us safe. It provides us the comfort of sameness, and purposely wants to keep us small because it believes we’re “safer” that way. It’s the same inner voice that tells us, “if we’re not perfect, we’ll die.”

While “dying” may sound like an overreaction, it’s our ancestral brain trying to protect us from ostracization. Because as humans, way back in the caveman days, ostracization meant death. It was a matter of safety, and that’s what our brain and bodies think NOW.

But it’s not actually going to lead us to our deaths. So, we have to disconnect from what it’s trying to protect us from and reality.

And I know many writers right now reading this are thinking, “I’m not a perfectionist, I just have high standards for my work,” or “I can’t be a perfectionist because I’m a procrastinator,” or “I’m just an ‘amateur’ writer, so this isn’t about me.”

But that’s just perfectionism being sneaky.

Perfectionism likes to hide behind all these personality traits, deflections, humility and self-deprecation.

For example, take procrastination. When we try to reach an unattainable standard that we know deep down is unattainable, what does that do? Causes resistance. We don’t want to show up to something we know we can’t do. The problem doesn’t lie in you being “lazy” or not having enough “discipline,” what’s fueling procrastination is that you want your work to be perfect and because it can’t be, you’re not showing up at all.

Perfectionism also hides in hustle-culture. We tell ourselves that we’re ambitious and hardworking to cover up for it. We rewrite the same scenes over and over because we know it’s not working and we want it to be the best it can be. But that is still perfectionism because you’re not allowing yourself to do the vulnerable work of letting your draft be raw and messy.

Sometimes, writers mistake perfectionism for excellence.

Unlike perfection, excellence does exist, but it’s a standard that YOU set for yourself, by which you value the work you create.

Perfectionism comes from a place of SCARCITY. It says…

❌ I MUST write every day or I’m not a serious writer.

❌ If I don’t nail my plot first, my draft will be trash.

❌ If I don’t hurry up, I’ll never reach my dreams.

Devotion to excellence comes from a place of ABUNDANCE. It says…

✨ Showing up every day is how my dreams will come true.

✨ My plot is my guide to discovering the real story.

✨ I’ll succeed in my own time because I believe in my dreams.

People inevitably ask me, “How do I tell the difference? How do I know which one I’m striving for?”

Always come back to your body. To what you’re feeling.

Just because we want to avoid perfectionism doesn’t mean we can’t have standards or that we must dive into every ambitious idea we have.

Sometimes we might decide to put a project off to learn more. Sometimes we might decide now isn’t the right moment. But those decisions should never come from a place of scarcity: from the belief that you can’t do it or that you’re not enough.

I say all this from experience. It took me YEARS to write “the end” for the first time. I would rewrite my first Act over and over and over, because the rest of the story wasn’t 10000% clear to me. It wasn’t until I took eight weeks and told myself I could only write forward, no matter what, that I finally broke through that block. As soon as I reached the finish line I could see the full story I wanted to tell. In the end, I threw out about 85% of that first ‘finished’ draft, but if I hadn’t pushed through and written it, my debut novel Behind the Crimson Curtain wouldn’t exist.

Now, even when I’m working on a scene that I know isn’t working and isn’t going to be in the future drafts, I write it anyway. Because at that moment, I can’t see what the scene needs to be and it just needs to exist so I can keep moving forward. Because the truth is, as much as I hate it, I can’t know the solutions yet. I can’t find the answers until I finish.

So what are actionable steps you can take once you recognize your perfectionism is acting up?

Unmask your inner critic.

You have to start by figuring out what your inner critic is saying. We all have very specific fears and nuanced reasons for those fears. The only way to manage your perfectionism and move forward is to figure out what our inner-perfectionist is afraid of, and what it’s telling us.

One of the best ways to do that is by writing it out. I recommend Amie McNee’s @inspiredtowrite account on Instagram for journaling resources. I think one of the best ways to know what’s happening in our brains is to write it on paper because it’s hard to untangle what’s true and untrue in our brain. The only way to figure that out is by putting them outside of you.

Then, you have to figure out where that voice is coming from.

Is your perfectionism being voiced by a parent? A teacher or mentor? From a specific experience that’s happening again? Whose narrative is influencing you?

Once you know what your inner-perfectionist is saying and where that voice is coming from, the next stage is challenging that inner dialogue.

Reframe how you speak to yourself.

Once you get those narratives down on the page, ask yourself, “What happens if the opposite is true?” If you’re saying you have to rewrite Act 1 because the whole book is wrong, say instead that you need to finish this book so that you can figure out what this act needs to do.

It’s not easy, and it takes practice, but when we flip what our brain is saying and rewrite it—that’s how you can act differently in moments of resistance.

Another mindset tool to try is figuring out your own standards.

We know that perfect is unattainable, but it’s also vague. It’s saying that you want someone else to tell you what your story “should”be or what success “should” look like. But when you start to define what your best book looks like and how success looks to you, then you have something to come back to in moments when those perfectionist tendencies creep back in. What do you actually want versus what the world is telling you that you should want?

You could also practice being “imperfect.”

Stop calling your first drafts shitty; call them raw. Baby them like infants. Your first draft is the first step that takes you to the book you want to write and share with the world. There is no right or wrong, perfect or imperfect—there just IS. Practicing getting raw words out can help. When we aim to be vulnerable instead of perfect or bringing joy and heart to the page, that’s where the magic is.

While we want to learn to manage perfectionism so it’s not a hindrance to us, don’t try to “perfect” working through your perfectionism or aim to get rid of it. It’s not going to go away. It’s always going to try and protect us.

The goal isn’t to get rid of perfectionism; the goal is to recognize it, understand it, work with it, and create art despite it. 💛

xo,