Writers often strive to make dialogue sound real.

But the truth is that realistic dialogue (aka, dialogue you hear at the coffee shop, or you engage in with a friend) is pretty roundabout, usually lacks purpose, and is often repetitive.

As humans who have conversations all the time, we have an idea about what a conversation is that doesn’t translate to the page: we can have long arguments, really funny conversations with people, or conversations that transition slowly, and get deeper before transitioning into being lighthearted again.

That’s all great for real life, but that takes up a lot of valuable space in a 300-page novel!

Some of the confusion about writing realistic dialogue comes from thinking to make it realistic we have to include all of what we mentioned above. I used to write dialogue that was pages and pages long, including all the “hellos” and small talk before getting into what was actually important.

Does that make it more “natural” and “real”? Sure.
Is it interesting to the reader and page worthy? No!

But then if we don’t include those traditional hallmarks of conversation, how do we know where to start the dialogue? How do we end it? How do you have banter or an argument that doesn’t shove you in a different direction than where your story is going?

Here are some tips to help you determine what dialogue is worth your characters saying and how to use it to push the story forward, while still making it feel natural to the reader.

Tip #1: Dialogue should always be intentional and relevant to the story.

We want our dialogue to hit purposeful beats within our story that help push the plot forward. When we think about the conversation we’re putting on the page, we want it to show what our character is motivated by: Is it their fears, obstacles in the plot, or what’s at stake? By asking ourselves this, we won’t feel like the dialogue veers off in a random direction or is full of filler.

Intentional dialogue exists to do something, like…

👉🏻 Reveal important information

👉🏻 Illuminate character detail/growth

👉🏻 Show thoughts or feelings

👉🏻 Create conflict or tension

👉🏻 Set up plot threads or later reveals

Story-relevant dialogue goes further than individual purpose. It should be meaningful to the plot or the characters (most of the time, both!). There should be a reason it exists in this place versus somewhere else in the story.

As we write dialogue, we’re looking to find the intersection of these two things. We want our dialogue to push forward plot and illuminate character, but also do it at the right time.

Intentional and relevant dialogue feel real. They read as realistic AND we know they’re doing something important in our story.

One of my favorite tricks is, for whatever scene structure you use, map your character’s conversations to that structure. Think about the goals the protagonist has in the conversation, how the conflict unfolds through the dialogue, and how the building tension is relevant to the larger story as a whole.

If it doesn’t move the story forward or express something about the character—does it need to be there?

Tip #2: Use dialogue to show what’s going on under the conversation (i.e. subtext).

In our day to day conversations, we rarely say what we actually mean. We go into conversations with our own individual goals. Even if the purpose is just to fill up space, we’re still going into conversations with people to seek information, figure out someone else’s wants, convince them of something, or communicate how we feel.

So when you’re planning or writing dialogue, it helps to ask ourselves what everyone in this conversation actually wants and why. What are they trying to do in this conversation?

Ask yourself:

👉🏻 What emotions are fueling their words?

👉🏻 What are they thinking?

👉🏻 What are they not saying? Why?

The mood and tension that you can build with what they are saying is just as important as what isn’t being said.

Writing dialogue where characters say exactly what they’re thinking and feeling is a common misstep many writers make. Once you start considering the subtext that’s guiding them underneath the conversation, you can see how that changes the way the character approaches someone. It adds a depth and complexity that makes the dialogue feel more natural, while allowing you a new way to explore your character’s internalization.

Tip #3: Utilize Body Language.

Because people don’t usually say what they mean, when we’re not in a character’s head we have to show or hint at what they’re actually feeling or thinking through body language.

This is particularly important for our characters who might not know what they’re hinting at or really feeling—but as the writer, you can add the nuance of body language to confirm or contradict what they’re saying and give a hint to what’s happening underneath the surface.

When you’re in your main character’s head, you can also show the dissonance between your protagonist’s thoughts, feelings and words. This gives you an opportunity to really show us how the character interprets what people are thinking and wanting in a conversation.

These actions don’t necessarily always have to be big movements, even having a character run a hand through their hair is a little thing that adds more context to how your character is responding to the conversation.

Similar to tip #2, utilizing body language is another way to help you choreograph subtext into the conversation.

Tip #4: Weave conflict and action throughout the conversation.

Readers rarely want to read pages and pages of just dialogue; we want to be present in what’s happening in the scene. Rarely do we have a conversation where two characters are just sitting there talking and doing nothing else—they’re having emotions and moving.

By adding in this action for the characters, you can work in conflicts and activities that allow the characters to move around the scene. This break up of conversation also helps the dialogue feel more natural.

We want to put our characters in movement with their surroundings. Can your characters have a conversation while on their way to implement a goal together? You don’t have to create something out of nothing, but whatever the character would be doing during a scene, try to use that to clue in the reader to what else is happening in the scene and help break up the dialogue in a meaningful way.

Tip #5: Read your dialogue aloud.

You can gauge the pacing of your conversation and see if it sounds natural, just by reading what is said aloud. Where does it feel forced or off or too honest? Saying it out loud will help it feel more real and show you places where you can pivot.

Also, if you read the dialogue aloud with their voices and inflection, it can help you figure out the shape of the sentences, how they come across and how it can be interpreted by readers. This is another way to help you get a feel for that flow, because readers will feel that on the page.

Here are questions you can ask yourself when you’re reviewing your dialogue:

👉🏻 Why is this piece of dialogue in my story?

👉🏻 What purpose does this dialogue serve? If I took it out, would it change the story? Would my story be missing something important?

👉🏻 Does the reader need this dialogue to understand what is happening?

👉🏻 Does this dialogue set up some important plot thread?

👉🏻 How does this dialogue move the character forward? How does it move the plot forward?

Happy writing!

xo,